Sunday, November 3, 2024

Integrity and Empowerment: Navigating Single Motherhood with Confidence

Show Notes

Imagine standing in a grocery store, faced with a choice that tests your integrity when no one's watching. I'll share how this moment and other personal experiences from my 30 years as a single mom have shaped my understanding of integrity in parenting. Together, we'll explore how crucial it is to uphold strong moral principles and set an example for our children, showing them the power of honesty and transparency. Learn why embracing the title of "single mom" is not just about acceptance but also about finding strength in integrity, even through life's challenges.

But that's not all—we'll also unravel the art of critical thinking and why it's indispensable for single moms steering their households. Discover how taking charge as the head of your family can empower you to break free from societal expectations and lead with confidence. I'll offer a glimpse into transforming the "impossible" into achievable milestones in our lives. Let's create a supportive community where single moms can connect, share, and grow. Join the conversation, reach out with your thoughts, and let's support each other in this remarkable journey of single motherhood.

https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/

It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.

Show Transcript

Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast.

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If this is your first time joining, welcome If you are a repeat listener.

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Thank you for your time and your loyalty.

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Now keep in mind it's not about how you arrived at the single mom title, it's all about what you do with it.

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You either acquired it by choice or by divorce, but at the end of the day, it's up to you to own your title mom, and it's okay to be called a single mom.

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You know how I'm now Because I'm a single mom and I've been a single mom let's see, 30 plus years.

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How about that?

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It was difficult, but I'm grateful for where my kids are and where I am today, because I know it's not because I'm a perfect mom and there were times I was a bad mom, but I'm thankful all of the bad and imperfectness turned out that some good things happened through that journey, through that experience.

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And that's what this is all about is sharing with you, paying for my own experiences as a single mom and also invite critical thinking To me.

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That's what separates this podcast from others.

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By the time this episode is over, I'm hoping you say, hmm, can I apply that to my life?

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Can I apply this to my own parenting skills.

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Because why is it important?

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Mom, you're no longer just a mom, you're no longer just a nurturer, you're a provider, you're a leader.

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Okay, and until you get into a relationship, your title changes.

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You have to own it.

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You have to own it as a single mom.

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These past few episodes I've been talking about the letter I and extracting words that link back to the letter I and what it means as it relates to parenting, and so today I'm going to talk about integrity.

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Ooh, that's a big one.

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That is a big one.

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So when I look it up and say, well, how does Webster's or Google define integrity?

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The definition that I found is integrity is the quality of having strong moral principles and uncompromisingly adhering to them.

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Integrity can be defined as the practice of doing the right thing all the time.

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It is doing what is morally right.

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My definition is how you respond when no one is looking, because that's real integrity.

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It's easy to be honest and upfront when someone's looking at you, but when you by yourself and the opportunity presents itself to not practice integrity, how do you respond to that?

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Once upon a time ago, way back when, I had a few integrity issues.

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One was before I had my kids.

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As a Christian, I do believe in God and I do believe he disciplined us when we misbehave.

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And one example of me having an integrity issue, notice.

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I said one because, listen, I'm just going to be real with you all, ladies.

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I mean, there's no reason to sugarcoat things.

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We're talking about real life here, is it right?

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No, but it's up to us to be transparent when it comes to some things.

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But anyway, all right, sorry, I got off the highway again.

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I'm getting back on.

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But once upon a time I was checking out at a grocery store and I had given the cashier the money to pay for my items and sis gave me my change back and she gave me an extra 10.

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So I'm like, oh okay, it ain't my fault, she don't know how to count.

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But here's the thing and I believe this, I honestly believe this the whooping I got from God.

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I went right out that store, happy-go-lucky, thinking I got ahead because sis made an error in giving me my change.

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And I promise you, ladies, I went right out there and got a ticket.

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So not only did I have to pay that $10 that I got, that I received an error, but I had to add five more tens to it because that ticket was $60.

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And, of course, this was 30 years plus ago, but I had to end up paying it back.

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And then some, and I thank God for the whooping right, because I knew better.

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I should have told her you gave me too much change.

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Shame on me.

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Shame on me, I didn't do it.

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And so, as a result of that, I got my whooping and I accepted.

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As a single mom and as we are parents over our children, we have to practice integrity.

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We have to be honest.

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We have to have that discussion with our children, why they're watching, they're listening, they're mimicking everything we do.

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Well, I saw mama do it, so nothing happened to her.

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So I'm going to go out here and do it too.

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No, no, no, no.

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Just because you don't see the repercussions of what happened to me doesn't mean that nothing happened, okay.

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So, moms, I would implore you if there is anything you are not being honest about as it relates to raising your children, please.

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It's time to correct that behavior Again.

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Once upon a time, way back when now I do have my kids, and I was asked if I wanted some extra food stamps.

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Now, keep in mind I never was on public assistance.

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I just felt like it was dishonoring my mom, who was able to manage a household of eight and didn't go out and be on public assistance.

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Yeah, we were poor.

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I didn't feel comfortable with saying, oh, let me get on public assistance, knowing what my mom was able to achieve without it.

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So I never applied for public assistance.

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But one time I was tempted.

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Someone offered me some food stamps and then I think the individual did ask me if I wanted to give a little cash for them or something for a very low price, and I would get like a hundred.

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I don't remember.

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So I'm making these numbers up maybe a hundred dollars worth of food stamps for 20 bucks or something like that.

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But don't quote me on that, I'm making that up.

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But anyway, at the time my kids were there, we were hungry.

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We could have used some food.

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We could have used $100 worth of food stamps, right, but you know what it was like.

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No, no, I'm not going to do this because, number one, my kids were there.

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They're watching.

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So what am I teaching them?

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What am I teaching them, moms?

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What are we teaching them?

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So integrity is not about others, but it's about what's within me, what's within you.

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Why do we need integrity?

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Why is it necessary?

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Because it's not, it's no longer me, it's we.

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We have children.

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Now we have a child, now they're paying attention and then I've said it practically every episode we have to release them into the world.

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Now, how would you feel if your child saw you doing something unethical, unmoral, not having integrity?

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And then somebody say where'd you learn that from?

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I saw my mama.

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How would you feel?

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Wow, now, if someone or this would have happened with my kids, you know what?

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I would walk away.

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I would, oh my gosh, I'd probably try to come up with some excuse.

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You thought you saw that, but you didn't see me do that.

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You didn't see me take them booze dance thought you saw that, but you didn't see me do that.

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You didn't see me take them booze stamps no, that was a piece of paper that was on the floor.

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I mean, I could see myself making up all kind of excuses to justify my bad behavior and not owning that decision.

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But, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, it is extremely important that you practice integrity for that reason, not just because it could be called out, but you have to have standards and your children are watching and you want the best for them.

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So when you're not practicing integrity and you're lying and you're manipulating situations, that's who you want your child to be.

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Think about it.

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At the end of the day, that bad behavior that they're seeing and they're absorbing because they are like a sponge, they're going to take that and produce it in the world.

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So you can either be the change agent or you can support the bad behavior that's getting ready to happen and to flow outside of your household.

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So here's a question.

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Here's another question Do you have time?

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Do you have time to change behavior that your child may have seen?

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Do you have time to recover or repair that bad behavior?

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And the answer is yes, yes, you can.

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And how?

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So?

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Just by talking to your children, having an open conversation.

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Don't try to skirt it, don't try to fake it, don't try to put the mask on.

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Just have a conversation.

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You know, sweetheart, baby little Ruthie, little Johnny, you know you saw mama do this.

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I did it because I was put in a position that I didn't think I could get myself out of, and most of the times that's why we do that single moms right out of, and most of the times that's why we do that, single moms, right.

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We are faced with these challenges, these financial challenges that come.

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I don't know where I'm getting the money from.

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So, therefore, I think I have to resort to this in order to achieve where I want to go and make sure that I'm providing for my household At the end of the day.

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Have that open dialogue with your children, not just tell them what you did, why you did it, because children are smarter than we think they are.

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They really are.

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My daughter today still enlightens me on a lot of things.

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Yeah, she's a lot older.

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I'm a lot older.

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A lot of what she's learned is through this life's journey and she's able to share with me her knowledge and her perspective.

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And I'm like, oh wow, I didn't think of it that way, it's all because, thankfully, she saw more integrity coming from me than dishonesty.

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And again, I am not perfect.

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Am I a bad mom?

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Yeah, there were some days I was a bad mom because, remember, my definition of a bad mom is you're not teaching your children, and there were many opportunities that I missed in teaching my children.

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There were also some opportunities I was able to teach them.

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And here's the good news, mom.

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Here's the good news.

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Not all teaching comes through verbal acknowledgement, some of them.

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You just have to let them see you practicing good behavior, practicing integrity, being honest, being transparent, because that's how they're going to get through things, that's how they're going to get through life, that's how they're going to get through these temptations, because at some point, when they are faced with different temptations, that's going to challenge their integrity.

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They should be able to reflect, like my mom went through this and she came out okay because she didn't compromise her integrity.

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All right, ladies, that's enough for the day.

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I hear you.

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I hear you.

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If you enjoyed today's episode, you know what to do.

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Tap another single mom on the shoulder and say, hey, are you up to critical thinking?

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Are you up for a different type of podcast?

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This one is all about critical thinking with your parenting skills.

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Why do you need it?

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Why is it important?

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Because you're a single mom, you're a head of household, right when it comes to your children, you're the CEO of your family, you're managing finances, you're making decisions, you are in a leadership role.

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You are in a leadership role and your children are watching, they're listening.

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So, moms, this isn't about you, it's not about me, but at the end of the day, it's about the children, or the child that you're raising.

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To give you a little bit of a preview of what the next word choice is going to be, I'm going to talk about impossible.

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Yeah, you're going to have to come back for that one.

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Ladies, I'm really going to jump in with both feet because we're going to talk about impossible, how it can improve, how it can improve your life as a single mom.

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So again, tell another single mom visit my website, singlemomsunitedpodcastcom.

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Visit my YouTube channel.

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Would love to hear from you and any ideas you have on other words, to start with the letter I, because this is about you, this is about your success.

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This is about you feeling comfortable with your title, trying to do it on your own.

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This is all about encouragement and motivation.

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So, hopefully, something was said to encourage and motivate you to go forward and hold your head high with confidence, not arrogance confidence.

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So when people see you like, oh wow, you're a single mom, aren't you supposed to be holding your head down and feeling sorry for yourself?

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Not today.

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I am confident because I am exercising critical thinking when it comes to my parenting.

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All right, ladies, I'm really done this time.

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You all have a fantastic day, a wonderful week and a marvelous month.

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Take care.