WEBVTT 00:00:03.386 --> 00:00:07.815 Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast. 00:00:07.815 --> 00:00:13.664 If this is your first time joining, welcome If you are a repeat listener. 00:00:13.664 --> 00:00:16.271 Thank you for your loyalty. 00:00:16.271 --> 00:00:27.230 This podcast is all about encouraging you and motivating you, single mom, and inviting critical thinking with your parenting.

00:00:27.230 --> 00:00:37.729 Now, it's not a one-size-fits-all, but hopefully you can say, hmm, let me think about that, how can I incorporate that into my parenting? 00:00:37.729 --> 00:00:39.707 Oh, I never thought about that. 00:00:39.707 --> 00:00:42.668 That makes good sense, right? 00:00:42.668 --> 00:00:56.676 So in the past few weeks I've been talking about or extracting words from the letter I as a theme as we round out this year related to parenting.

00:00:56.676 --> 00:00:59.719 So this week's word is impossible. 00:01:00.781 --> 00:01:12.692 You know, society has said and wants to provide the label on us we're lazy, we have undisciplined kids because they don't come from a two-parent household. 00:01:12.692 --> 00:01:22.754 They've also said that we're kind of loose and easy as it relates to possibly sleeping with any and every man that comes along. 00:01:22.754 --> 00:01:25.468 So and we lack ambition.

00:01:25.468 --> 00:01:31.346 That's what society has put a label on us and it's not fair. 00:01:31.346 --> 00:01:36.400 Most of us, right, were raised in good households. 00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:40.831 I come from a two-parent household, like many of you. 00:01:40.831 --> 00:01:46.134 I mentioned this maybe two episodes ago of why I'm a single parent.

00:01:46.134 --> 00:01:50.448 So if you want more details, you got to go back to that episode. 00:01:50.448 --> 00:01:55.721 Okay, and it'll give you some information around my decision. 00:01:56.222 --> 00:01:58.969 However, I'm not going to spend a lot of time here. 00:01:58.969 --> 00:02:01.441 Look, I'm already done, got off the highway.

00:02:01.441 --> 00:02:02.483 Let me get back on. 00:02:02.483 --> 00:02:09.705 As a single mom we think about, or because we're labeled everything's impossible. 00:02:09.705 --> 00:02:19.745 Listen, I can't get a degree, I can't have a mortgage, I can't have a six-figure income, I can't, I can't, I can't. 00:02:19.745 --> 00:02:33.336 And that's all because society has planted that seed on us that we can't produce, that we can't be anything positive because we're single moms.

00:02:33.336 --> 00:02:36.449 And that's just not true. 00:02:36.449 --> 00:02:39.308 And I know, ladies, you're feeling it right now. 00:02:39.308 --> 00:02:48.763 You're feeling overwhelmed, like, oh my gosh, how do I get to tomorrow, or how do I even get through today? 00:02:48.763 --> 00:02:49.044 Guess what?

00:02:49.044 --> 00:02:51.106 I know exactly how you feel. 00:02:51.106 --> 00:02:53.371 Been there, done that. 00:02:53.371 --> 00:03:10.264 Thanks be to God, I was able to circumvent negative thoughts and being able to produce and get beyond that, that stigma of what society says, that single moms are who we are right. 00:03:10.784 --> 00:03:18.145 So I'm just going to talk to you about a few things that I've been able to accomplish, and again, not on my own.

00:03:18.145 --> 00:03:25.330 It's because I serve a good God and he just watched out over me over these years of raising my kids. 00:03:25.330 --> 00:03:30.450 So I want to encourage you, and that's what this podcast is all about. 00:03:30.450 --> 00:03:38.454 All right, first of all, I need you to turn that frown, that wrinkled forehead. 00:03:38.454 --> 00:03:44.052 I need you to straighten that up and smile, because I have some good news for you.

00:03:44.052 --> 00:03:47.709 I have some good news for you. 00:03:47.709 --> 00:03:49.052 I have some good news for you. 00:03:49.073 --> 00:03:52.945 You know, if you want your degree, you can get it. 00:03:52.945 --> 00:03:55.752 I'm going to talk to you a little bit about that.

00:03:55.752 --> 00:04:02.633 If you don't want to continue to be a renter the rest of your life, you can achieve that too. 00:04:02.633 --> 00:04:10.209 And if you even want your child to graduate from college, if you want them to have their degree, you can do that. 00:04:10.209 --> 00:04:11.731 How do we get there? 00:04:12.312 --> 00:04:22.785 One of the things that I thought I would never experience, and that is I was able to travel this country and this world for free.

00:04:22.785 --> 00:04:24.689 I hear you what? 00:04:24.689 --> 00:04:26.653 How you travel for free. 00:04:26.653 --> 00:04:31.725 That's a good question and I have a good answer. 00:04:31.725 --> 00:05:05.673 Well, I worked for a company I was able to grow in, I was able to do some job shadowing, and, as I was job shadowing and learning, I was able to get promoted to different positions and, as a result of that, I ended up getting a company card and with that company card and learning the inside and out of the business, I was able to travel for free because they paid for it.

00:05:05.673 --> 00:05:20.125 But one thing you have to have the desire to do, moms and I know you're going to say I don't know when I'm going to find the time, but actually it's going to be even easier for you now than it was for me back then. 00:05:20.125 --> 00:05:22.646 But start learning. 00:05:23.067 --> 00:05:34.098 When I started this podcast two years ago, I had no idea I would have over 6,000 people downloading my podcast. 00:05:34.098 --> 00:05:37.307 I'm just out here trying to encourage single moms.

00:05:37.307 --> 00:05:38.391 That that's it. 00:05:38.391 --> 00:05:49.636 So if six people download out, I would have been happy, but 6,000 and I'm like wow, what's happening here? 00:05:49.636 --> 00:05:51.206 I'm a one woman show. 00:05:51.206 --> 00:05:59.814 Most podcasts have production staff that owns particular responsibilities to producing the podcast.

00:05:59.814 --> 00:06:13.151 I don't have that and, matter of fact, I'm self-taught for over 6,000 people to be listening and hopefully I'm making a difference because some of you keep coming back. 00:06:13.151 --> 00:06:22.184 I'm thankful for that and that's why I opened this podcast with the welcome and the thank you, because you don't have to Again, ladies. 00:06:22.184 --> 00:06:24.490 You have to want to learn. 00:06:24.490 --> 00:06:27.930 That's what I did when it came to this podcast.

00:06:27.930 --> 00:06:31.507 Nobody said, hey, come over here and go over there and do this. 00:06:32.088 --> 00:06:38.975 I sought it out on my own, so you got to have that ability, that determination to say you know what. 00:06:38.975 --> 00:06:43.547 I'm just no longer comfortable with just doing day-to-day stuff. 00:06:43.547 --> 00:06:47.093 I want to learn something new, right?

00:06:47.093 --> 00:06:56.144 I also talked about uncovering who you are as it relates to your personality, because that's going to drive your learning experience. 00:06:56.144 --> 00:07:11.908 If you are an introvert, like I am, then you might want to pursue IT opportunities, but if you're an extrovert, then you might want to be one of those folks that do a TED Talk that's out in front of people, or do videos. 00:07:11.908 --> 00:07:14.735 But you have to learn this. 00:07:14.735 --> 00:07:21.213 We have to stop waiting for somebody to come in our lives to make a difference.

00:07:21.213 --> 00:07:41.625 Okay, and I'm going to talk a little bit about that in a moment, but that's how I was able to go across this world, this country, for free because of my ability of wanting to learn, and not only learn it, but apply it Right. 00:07:41.625 --> 00:07:43.786 Yes, my kids are still there. 00:07:43.786 --> 00:07:44.608 Lie it right. 00:07:44.608 --> 00:07:45.168 Yes, my kids are still there.

00:07:45.168 --> 00:07:48.029 So you have to find work-life balance. 00:07:48.029 --> 00:07:49.572 Kids go to bed. 00:07:49.572 --> 00:07:57.137 That's your opportunity, mom, if it's nothing but taking an hour out of your day to learn something. 00:07:58.158 --> 00:08:00.283 Now talk about degrees.

00:08:00.283 --> 00:08:03.649 If you want your college degree, you can have it. 00:08:03.649 --> 00:08:06.394 How do I know I have my degree? 00:08:06.394 --> 00:08:07.665 Matter of fact, I have two. 00:08:07.665 --> 00:08:10.266 Does it make me better than anyone else?

00:08:10.266 --> 00:08:11.610 Absolutely not. 00:08:11.610 --> 00:08:16.168 It just means I went through the process but I don't have any student loan debt. 00:08:16.168 --> 00:08:18.247 Why don't I have any student loan debt? 00:08:18.247 --> 00:08:31.372 Well, the company I work for they provided tuition reimbursement, so basically they paid for everything as long as I brought in a C or better, and I'm proud to say I was a 4.0.

00:08:31.372 --> 00:08:43.091 I'm happy to say but again, you have to want this, ladies, and in my situation as a single mom, I had to practice the hybrid piece of study. 00:08:43.532 --> 00:08:50.490 Some days I did go in class, in a classroom, and then some days I did online. 00:08:50.490 --> 00:08:58.809 Now, in class actually worked a little better for me because I was able to ask questions and, remember, I'm an overthinker. 00:08:58.809 --> 00:09:05.712 I needed the opportunity to ask questions, specific questions that work better for me.

00:09:05.712 --> 00:09:07.115 But that's just me. 00:09:07.115 --> 00:09:08.158 Everybody's different. 00:09:08.158 --> 00:09:10.109 You can do this too, ladies. 00:09:10.109 --> 00:09:17.120 So when you're going out and you're looking for a job, then you're going to want to look for those opportunities.

00:09:17.120 --> 00:09:20.447 Or one of the questions should be do you have tuition reimbursement? 00:09:20.447 --> 00:09:22.870 And then what do they cover? 00:09:22.870 --> 00:09:31.407 You don't want to go to a company and all they support is business degrees when you want to do health care. 00:09:31.407 --> 00:09:33.731 So you have to do your research there.

00:09:33.731 --> 00:09:35.876 But you can have it if you want it. 00:09:35.876 --> 00:09:37.226 How do I know? 00:09:37.226 --> 00:09:50.025 I just told you I have not one, but two degrees, and it took hard work, it took sacrifice, it took discipline to achieve these goals, and so for that I'm grateful. 00:09:50.626 --> 00:09:53.293 Now you say, hey, I want a large bank account.

00:09:53.293 --> 00:09:54.835 You can have that too. 00:09:54.835 --> 00:09:57.625 Watch this, I hear you Really. 00:09:57.625 --> 00:09:58.788 How do I get that? 00:09:58.788 --> 00:10:01.451 Now, be careful.

00:10:01.451 --> 00:10:07.179 Be careful, because the more money, the more issues you may encounter. 00:10:07.179 --> 00:10:09.431 Right, I'm all about peace. 00:10:10.025 --> 00:10:20.655 When you get your income tax check in February, march, or whenever you file your taxes, you take a portion of that money and you invest it. 00:10:20.655 --> 00:10:41.236 Invest it in stock, find you a company does investments, or talk to someone that does investing, and once you find that good investment firm, you take a good small piece, a chunk of your income tax return and, instead of going out and buying stuff you don't need, invest that money.

00:10:41.236 --> 00:10:42.408 And then guess what? 00:10:42.408 --> 00:10:43.552 Watch it grow. 00:10:43.552 --> 00:10:51.011 And then next year it's like, wow, where'd all this money come from All because you took the time to invest it. 00:10:51.011 --> 00:10:56.947 Oh my gosh, I never expected to have a savings account this large.

00:10:56.947 --> 00:11:10.014 All because you took the ownership and decided you know what, I'm not going to go out and buy this flat screen TV, or buy this or buy that Things that I want versus I need. 00:11:10.014 --> 00:11:11.715 It's just that simple. 00:11:12.176 --> 00:11:14.217 Now you may also say you know what? 00:11:14.217 --> 00:11:15.799 I'm tired of renting.

00:11:15.799 --> 00:11:35.496 Oh my goodness, heaven forbid that the landlords change and the other one does this and that, and you may be on public assistance and you know, the area you live in just may not be that desirable, but you have to accept it because of where you are in life. 00:11:35.496 --> 00:11:36.798 And it's okay. 00:11:36.798 --> 00:11:40.029 It's okay, I promise you it's okay. 00:11:40.029 --> 00:11:44.099 But if you want to, I'm no longer going to be a renter.

00:11:44.099 --> 00:11:46.049 I want a mortgage. 00:11:46.049 --> 00:11:49.206 I want to know what it means to have a mortgage. 00:11:49.206 --> 00:11:55.225 And again, that's also an investment, because now you're establishing equity in the home. 00:11:55.225 --> 00:11:57.230 Now, how do you do that?

00:11:57.230 --> 00:12:09.225 Well, I just told you, if you take some of your income tax return and invest it, then now you're building up some cash that you can take out later for your down payment. 00:12:10.006 --> 00:12:16.678 And then, secondly, part two is you want to get a copy of your credit report. 00:12:16.678 --> 00:12:19.707 See what's out there, know your credit score. 00:12:19.707 --> 00:12:22.610 Many organizations out there.

00:12:22.610 --> 00:12:33.090 Just make sure you do a Better Business Bureau research before you do investment and understand who these companies are. 00:12:33.090 --> 00:12:38.505 A lot of fraud is occurring these days and fake websites and so forth. 00:12:38.505 --> 00:12:50.246 So definitely go to the Better Business Bureau, get an assessment on these companies before you invest, before you get with a credit monitoring agency. 00:12:50.648 --> 00:12:52.231 You want to know your credit score.

00:12:52.231 --> 00:12:53.775 You want to invest. 00:12:53.775 --> 00:12:57.706 So, nick, guess what you already on your way? 00:12:57.706 --> 00:13:00.172 Mom Didn't know it was that simple. 00:13:00.172 --> 00:13:02.475 It really is just that simple.

00:13:02.475 --> 00:13:04.506 Now you just have to be disciplined. 00:13:04.506 --> 00:13:07.816 Once you invest that money, leave it in there, don't touch it. 00:13:07.816 --> 00:13:11.649 Work on your credit score. 00:13:11.649 --> 00:13:18.100 You know you may have to apply for a store credit card to help build your credit.

00:13:18.100 --> 00:13:29.721 Or if you have a family member you trust and they trust you, you can ask them if you can be added as an authorized user on their account. 00:13:29.721 --> 00:13:34.255 Their payment history will start reporting on your credit report. 00:13:34.255 --> 00:13:35.726 Didn't know that, did you? 00:13:37.572 --> 00:13:50.037 All of these things are achievable, remember, because when I opened this segment, we talked about impossible Right, and when we think about impossible, it's unachievable.

00:13:50.037 --> 00:13:57.168 But I'm here to tell you there's a lot of possibilities out there that allows us to get to where we need to be. 00:13:57.168 --> 00:14:00.235 How do I know, ladies? 00:14:00.235 --> 00:14:06.732 I promise you, I'm not sitting on the sideline looking and telling you what I've seen. 00:14:06.732 --> 00:14:13.754 I'm telling you what I've experienced, yeah, what I've experienced and what I'm experiencing.

00:14:13.754 --> 00:14:21.249 So, if I can do it, oh my goodness, I know you can, all right. 00:14:21.249 --> 00:14:23.130 So let me wrap it up, all right. 00:14:23.230 --> 00:14:41.749 Something else that you need in life as you get away from the word of impossible and transition to all of your possibilities, you need a mentor or mentors Excuse me With the S mentors. 00:14:41.749 --> 00:14:43.451 Why is that important?

00:14:43.451 --> 00:14:46.577 You need someone to encourage you, mom. 00:14:46.577 --> 00:14:47.158 Why is that important? 00:14:47.158 --> 00:14:50.024 You need someone to encourage you, mom. 00:14:50.024 --> 00:14:51.849 You need someone to be honest with you.

00:14:51.849 --> 00:14:55.577 You need someone to look at things from a different perspective. 00:14:55.577 --> 00:15:05.091 That's why I'm doing this podcast, because of things that I've experienced, and that's why I encourage you to tell another single mom. 00:15:05.091 --> 00:15:10.379 All because you're looking at it differently, right? 00:15:10.379 --> 00:15:23.535 You're taking the information, you're processing it, and you're processing it in such a way it is taking you to another level.

00:15:23.535 --> 00:15:26.048 Find you some mentors Now. 00:15:26.168 --> 00:15:32.107 I'm thankful that I've had quite a few mentors over my life's journey. 00:15:32.107 --> 00:15:37.115 Now, my kid's grandfather was a mentor to me. 00:15:37.115 --> 00:15:39.740 My father died when I was young.

00:15:39.740 --> 00:15:45.673 I didn't have that senior male encouragement. 00:15:45.673 --> 00:15:48.677 My kid's grandfather, he, was there. 00:15:48.677 --> 00:15:59.388 He was always there to give me some form of encouragement and also correct me when he thought I was doing wrong or going down the wrong path. 00:15:59.388 --> 00:16:03.053 I also had a mother from my church.

00:16:03.053 --> 00:16:15.519 She was 90 plus years old and she was instrumental with providing wisdom of where she came from and also provided encouragement. 00:16:16.039 --> 00:16:21.793 You know, I don't recommend you identify a mentor in your age group. 00:16:21.793 --> 00:16:23.716 Sometimes there are hidden agendas. 00:16:23.716 --> 00:16:25.427 I'm just going to be honest with you.

00:16:25.427 --> 00:16:42.176 But you definitely want to have at least a male role model, an elderly male role model, right, and then that ensures should ensure that we stay focused and I'll leave that there when you're trying to go and what you're trying to achieve. 00:16:42.485 --> 00:16:47.697 It's important to get a male's perspective on things, ladies. 00:16:47.697 --> 00:16:59.778 They're going to educate you on how some men think right and you need that, especially for you, young ladies, that you know what I need to be back in a relationship. 00:16:59.778 --> 00:17:03.154 Well, that's not always a good thing.

00:17:03.154 --> 00:17:08.116 This is how we got where we are of the so-called relationship. 00:17:08.116 --> 00:17:16.940 So we definitely want to take that opportunity and get a male role model or male mentor. 00:17:16.940 --> 00:17:23.482 And it could be your father, and that's OK, right, and it's probably safer facts, right. 00:17:23.482 --> 00:17:35.169 But if you don't have a father in your life, a strong male figure in your life, they're out there and I just ask God to send you one, and he will.

00:17:35.169 --> 00:17:36.432 How do I know? 00:17:36.432 --> 00:17:38.421 Because my kid's grandma. 00:17:38.421 --> 00:17:45.750 I would have never thought he would have played such a significant role in my life that he did. 00:17:46.269 --> 00:17:56.911 You definitely want to have some mentors in your life and they each play a different role with how they encourage you.

00:17:56.911 --> 00:17:58.554 That's the thing, right? 00:17:58.554 --> 00:18:09.615 So it's not a one size fits all and, as a single mom, we need that encouragement, we need that motivation, because days do get hard. 00:18:09.615 --> 00:18:23.425 Now here's one more mentor I would recommend, as I finish out this episode Now that you've acquired your mentors, mom, you turn the tables and you be a mentor. 00:18:23.425 --> 00:18:31.520 Yeah, because there's other young girls coming behind you thinking, oh yeah, I can do this on my own.

00:18:31.520 --> 00:18:36.586 And then find out oh, my God, nobody told me why am I going through this? 00:18:36.586 --> 00:18:40.568 And you've already been there, just like I'm paying it forward to you. 00:18:40.568 --> 00:18:42.806 Now you pay it forward. 00:18:42.806 --> 00:18:49.240 Yes, that's what this is all about forward.

00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:49.941 Yes, that's what this is all about. 00:18:49.941 --> 00:18:58.031 That's why this podcast is called Single Moms United, because we need to work together and encourage one another. 00:18:58.031 --> 00:19:00.296 We can get through this. 00:19:00.296 --> 00:19:04.385 How do I know?

00:19:04.385 --> 00:19:07.130 So I've been on this journey a while. 00:19:07.691 --> 00:19:17.836 It hasn't been easy, so I'm not even going to sit up here and in front like, yes, it's been great, I promise you. 00:19:17.836 --> 00:19:21.843 I've had my lights turned off, I've had my car repossessed. 00:19:21.843 --> 00:19:23.505 I haven't been able.

00:19:23.505 --> 00:19:37.945 I wasn't able to buy new clothes for myself, feeding them and choosing not to feed myself, and all the sacrifices I made and when they needed stuff and I thought I could get this for me. 00:19:37.945 --> 00:19:43.875 Well, I couldn't, because I needed to shell out those funds to make sure that they had. 00:19:43.875 --> 00:19:45.521 And no regret. 00:19:45.521 --> 00:19:47.586 No regret because I'm a mom now.

00:19:47.586 --> 00:19:53.409 And once I made that decision to become a mom, then guess what? 00:19:53.409 --> 00:19:55.875 Yeah, forget my government name. 00:19:55.875 --> 00:20:00.604 My new name is mom, and so I have to be that example. 00:20:00.604 --> 00:20:10.173 I have to be the one to make sure my kids are represented well and to teach them Again.

00:20:10.173 --> 00:20:15.263 There is no perfect mom, so don't beat yourself up, ladies. 00:20:15.263 --> 00:20:16.886 Don't do that. 00:20:16.886 --> 00:20:19.111 You can still be a good mom. 00:20:19.551 --> 00:20:20.473 It's a new day.

00:20:20.473 --> 00:20:23.724 For a reason, yesterday's gone. 00:20:23.724 --> 00:20:29.315 All of those things that you did yesterday or you felt just didn't go right. 00:20:29.315 --> 00:20:30.642 What's a new day? 00:20:30.642 --> 00:20:36.673 It's a new beginning, it's a new mindset, and the Bible says new mercies.

00:20:36.673 --> 00:20:39.201 And I'll take it. 00:20:39.201 --> 00:20:41.484 I'm starting off fresh. 00:20:41.484 --> 00:20:46.771 It's a new day and I'm so happy that I'm able to start fresh. 00:20:46.771 --> 00:20:49.375 Anyway, all right, ladies.

00:20:49.375 --> 00:20:54.948 So again we started off this podcast with talking about impossible. 00:20:54.948 --> 00:20:59.903 As you leave, you should be like hmm, impossible, what? 00:20:59.903 --> 00:21:10.096 Right Now, it's all about possibilities and looking at those, about possibilities and looking at those, how to incorporate those possibilities into your life. 00:21:10.096 --> 00:21:17.561 So again, you should be thinking.

00:21:17.561 --> 00:21:18.826 You should automatically be thinking what's next? 00:21:18.826 --> 00:21:19.267 How do I get there? 00:21:19.267 --> 00:21:20.590 Hopefully, the examples I provided you. 00:21:20.590 --> 00:21:26.286 This is the start, and let me start talking to some more people and let me get what they think about it.

00:21:26.286 --> 00:21:32.148 Ladies, have a wonderful day, have a marvelous week. 00:21:32.148 --> 00:21:34.903 You can do this, I promise you. 00:21:34.903 --> 00:21:37.310 I'm not talking about what I heard. 00:21:37.310 --> 00:21:39.809 I've experienced it myself.

00:21:39.809 --> 00:21:41.329 Take care, ladies. 00:21:41.329 --> 00:21:42.359 Bye-bye.