Send us a textEver wondered how a single mom can juggle the challenges of raising children while maintaining resilience and strength? Join me on the Single Moms United podcast as I share my personal journey through the ups and downs of single motherhood. You'll learn practical strategies for teaching your kids essential life skills, like social etiquette and personal finance, while ensuring they're prepared to tackle life's challenges. Discover why fostering a partnership between parents and ...
Ever wondered how a single mom can juggle the challenges of raising children while maintaining resilience and strength? Join me on the Single Moms United podcast as I share my personal journey through the ups and downs of single motherhood. You'll learn practical strategies for teaching your kids essential life skills, like social etiquette and personal finance, while ensuring they're prepared to tackle life's challenges. Discover why fostering a partnership between parents and schools is crucial for these lessons, and how addressing disrespectful behavior in children can prevent future problems. We'll also discuss managing finances on a minimum wage, emphasizing that financial education should be personalized rather than a one-size-fits-all solution.
Shouting doesn't solve conflicts, and in this episode, I highlight the importance of maintaining a calm demeanor during disagreements for effective communication and conflict resolution. By setting an example of non-aggressive communication, we can teach our children how to handle disputes. We'll also explore the role of technology in education and how our kids often become our teachers in understanding new trends. Finally, you'll hear why it's essential to instill the value of voting in your children, empowering them to recognize the significance of their voices in shaping their communities. Join me for insights, stories, and encouragement to help you thrive as a single mom, paving the way for a brighter future for your children.
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
Show Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:03.245 --> 00:00:08.695 Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast.
00:00:08.695 --> 00:00:15.634 And it's not about how you arrived at the single mom title, whether by choice or by divorce.
00:00:15.634 --> 00:00:20.332 It's all about what you do with the title.
00:00:20.332 --> 00:00:26.071 Remember this podcast is designed to encourage and motivate you.
00:00:26.071 --> 00:00:30.750 Single mom, it's not going to be an easy journey that you're on.
00:00:30.750 --> 00:00:40.706 You're going to encounter challenges, you're going to encounter disappointments, but I got good news for you You're going to get through it.
00:00:40.706 --> 00:00:42.585 How do I know?
00:00:42.585 --> 00:00:44.229 That's right.
00:00:44.229 --> 00:00:57.280 I'm a single mom and I've been where you are in most of your struggles that you're encountering and I can testify I got through it and it wasn't easy.
00:00:57.280 --> 00:01:03.289 So I'm not going to provide any pretense that oh yeah, it's going to be smooth sailing.
00:01:03.289 --> 00:01:08.888 Girl, you know what I'm not going to do, that I'm going to keep it real with you.
00:01:08.888 --> 00:01:11.496 Why do I need to keep it real with you?
00:01:11.496 --> 00:01:21.375 Because you need to be prepared and really have that mindset that these things are going to happen, and they are.
00:01:21.375 --> 00:01:27.299 They are, but you're not going to be defeated as a result of what happens.
00:01:27.299 --> 00:01:59.487 This podcast is here to motivate and encourage you and then also to provide critical thinking as a single mom, as an older single mom, as I look back over some of the things and choices I made, I'm like, wow, I wish somebody would have told me or at least provided the opportunity to make me think about things, because this is not a one size fits all, but it's all about your impact on your children.
00:01:59.487 --> 00:02:09.745 And speaking of impact, in the last episode I talked about impact and I gave you a few examples of a document I found.
00:02:09.745 --> 00:02:12.870 It said things that should be taught in school.
00:02:12.870 --> 00:02:19.538 I started to go through the list, but because it's kind of lengthy, I said I'll just break it up to a two-parter.
00:02:19.538 --> 00:02:30.825 So today is the second part of impact and I invite you to think do you really understand the impact you have on your child's or your children's life?
00:02:30.825 --> 00:02:37.447 I don't think we really think about it, because if you're like me, you know you're in survival mode.
00:02:37.447 --> 00:02:44.568 You're just trying to keep a roof over your head, food in the refrigerator and you're just in survival mode.
00:02:44.568 --> 00:02:49.806 I'm going to continue part two today, so hopefully I can get through it.
00:02:49.806 --> 00:02:51.950 If not, then it might be part three.
00:02:51.950 --> 00:03:00.282 We'll see, but I think I can get through it today and if you did not hear part one, you still have time to go back and listen to that.
00:03:00.361 --> 00:03:05.652 As far as impact and the impact that you have on your children's lives, all right.
00:03:05.652 --> 00:03:13.133 So what else does society say that schools should be teaching, and again I disagree.
00:03:13.133 --> 00:03:17.793 I mean, I think it should be a partnership between you and the school.
00:03:17.793 --> 00:03:27.300 I don't think it should be solely placed on the school to be responsible to teach your children these things, these fundamentals.
00:03:27.300 --> 00:03:32.188 As it relates to navigating through life, and I hear you.
00:03:33.872 --> 00:03:37.243 And guess what, on some of these, nobody taught me either.
00:03:37.243 --> 00:03:40.570 I just learned as I went through life.
00:03:40.570 --> 00:03:49.703 And it's like through life, and it's like, oh, that makes sense now.
00:03:49.703 --> 00:04:05.127 But if you can be proactive and get ahead as far as you teaching your children, because, remember, you're going to have to release them into society, and how you release them into society is going to impact you either negatively or positively, and so we're thinking positive.
00:04:05.127 --> 00:04:12.210 Again, a good mom is all about teaching their child or their children.
00:04:12.210 --> 00:04:12.951 Period.
00:04:12.951 --> 00:04:14.433 That's what a good mom is.
00:04:14.433 --> 00:04:16.163 It doesn't mean you're a perfect mom.
00:04:16.163 --> 00:04:18.872 I done got off the exit, y'all know me.
00:04:18.872 --> 00:04:22.891 All right, let me get back on the road here.
00:04:23.172 --> 00:04:28.266 Society says that the school should be teaching our children social etiquette.
00:04:28.266 --> 00:04:31.435 That's another word, in my opinion, for manners.
00:04:31.435 --> 00:04:49.254 Your children should be saying please and thank you, excuse me, those types of things are good manners and they certainly should be respecting adults, older adults, and they certainly should be respecting you, single mom.
00:04:49.254 --> 00:04:51.887 I tell you what it bothers me.
00:04:51.887 --> 00:04:53.305 Now, I ain't going to lie.
00:04:53.305 --> 00:04:59.213 It really, really bothers me to see a child disrespect their mother.
00:04:59.213 --> 00:05:07.603 The mother doesn't respond Because a child is going to be a child and they're going to do things and say things that they shouldn't.
00:05:07.603 --> 00:05:15.055 But, mom, it is your, our responsibility to correct bad behavior.
00:05:15.055 --> 00:05:32.653 And when I see how some children speak to their mothers and the mom just stands there, she don't say like wait till I get you outside, she don't give them the deaf look like my mama used to give me, she just doesn't respond.
00:05:32.653 --> 00:05:39.074 And I'm like, wow, what just happened and why did it just happen?
00:05:39.074 --> 00:05:48.574 Guess what, mom, if you're allowing them to disrespect you now, at an early age, guess what happens when they get a little older?
00:05:48.574 --> 00:05:53.791 Yeah, some things could turn physical, and that shouldn't be.
00:05:53.791 --> 00:05:55.505 It should not be.
00:05:55.505 --> 00:06:03.274 I'm not going to spend a lot of time here, because the more I talk about it, the more I feel my blood boiling.
00:06:03.274 --> 00:06:08.963 But anyway, it's not the school's responsibility to teach your child manners period.
00:06:09.764 --> 00:06:13.773 All right, personal finance, yep, yep, yep.
00:06:13.773 --> 00:06:16.343 We got to talk about money Again.
00:06:16.343 --> 00:06:19.269 It says the school should be teaching our kids about money.
00:06:19.269 --> 00:06:23.803 No, because that's going to be kind of a one size fits all.
00:06:23.803 --> 00:06:31.956 If you're struggling in life, like I was, some of the things that are taught in school is irrelevant.
00:06:31.956 --> 00:06:35.189 I'm just going to call it like I see it.
00:06:35.189 --> 00:06:46.641 Some of it is irrelevant because if you're pinching and scrounging and moving this around and and trying to make ends meet, they're not going to teach you that in school.
00:06:46.641 --> 00:06:53.663 They're going to say, okay, well, you got this money coming in, got this going out and this is how you make things work.
00:06:53.663 --> 00:06:56.149 Well, I disagree.
00:06:56.149 --> 00:07:05.994 Depending on the job and you make a minimum wage, then the alignment of what they're teaching in school may not be teaching at a minimum wage level.
00:07:05.994 --> 00:07:09.160 I'm just talking about what I'm talking about.
00:07:09.160 --> 00:07:40.444 It may not also include the matter of fact that you have two kids in tow, live in an age where you can look up and uncover or find a good way to manage your household finances and really and I'm just going to offer this brief anecdote of how you get there you just pay your needs, mom.
00:07:40.685 --> 00:07:51.850 And where I went left or got off the exit of life and while I got into financial trouble, I was doing a lot of buying a wants.
00:07:51.850 --> 00:08:06.913 Also, you know, taking my kids out to eat and I tried to do things for them and take them places and so forth, and so a lot of that money was getting shelled out on things that I did not need.
00:08:06.913 --> 00:08:18.355 Now that I think about it, board games work just as well as you taking them to an amusement park or any other type of activity outside of your home.
00:08:18.355 --> 00:08:22.110 Learn how to do activities in your home, mom.
00:08:22.110 --> 00:08:27.622 That's where you save money, because I know I tried to do that with my kids Again.
00:08:27.622 --> 00:08:31.488 Learn how to cook healthy meals.
00:08:31.488 --> 00:08:33.412 Do meal preps.
00:08:33.511 --> 00:08:39.606 Took my kids where it was always as somebody's fast food restaurant.
00:08:39.606 --> 00:08:41.269 Am I proud of it?
00:08:41.269 --> 00:08:42.650 Absolutely not.
00:08:42.650 --> 00:08:44.934 But then again, I just didn't know.
00:08:44.934 --> 00:08:46.426 They all said mommy, I'm hungry.
00:08:46.426 --> 00:08:48.488 Okay, well, let me drive right through here.
00:08:48.488 --> 00:08:53.148 I got about two, three dollars on me and then I go to work the next day.
00:08:53.148 --> 00:08:54.725 I don't have lunch money.
00:08:54.725 --> 00:09:00.825 So I'm sitting there looking like boo-boo the fool, right, because I don't have any money for lunch.
00:09:00.825 --> 00:09:18.966 All because I wouldn't take the time to try to fix these meals in advance so the kids will have something to eat, because we did have microwaves back then and so there really was no excuse, other than I just didn't know any better Going through these fast food restaurants.
00:09:18.966 --> 00:09:20.549 They're just not healthy.
00:09:20.549 --> 00:09:24.967 All right Again to manage your money, mom.
00:09:24.967 --> 00:09:43.856 Write out your needs, which is your household, your groceries, your rent, and then, after you take care of those, you have a little bit left over, but try not to spend it on wants, and it's going to be tight.
00:09:43.856 --> 00:09:47.038 It's going to be tight, but you can do it.
00:09:47.038 --> 00:09:48.182 All right.
00:09:48.450 --> 00:09:54.591 Stress management why do we need to take stress management as a young age?
00:09:54.591 --> 00:09:56.596 Well, they're going to grow up.
00:09:56.596 --> 00:10:20.120 They are going to grow up and this might be more so for you than your children, because now you are carrying that extra and I don't want to say burden, but you're carrying this extra responsibility and raising your children on your own, and it is stressful, hear me ladies.
00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:40.860 It is stressful because you're trying to raise them appropriately and, if you're like me, you're trying to work and then you're trying to take care of yourself, and then, once you think you got everything in order, then all of a sudden, here comes something else that comes about and it's like wait what?
00:10:40.860 --> 00:10:43.610 I'm on cruise control.
00:10:43.610 --> 00:10:55.839 Now I got to take the call for cruise control because now this happened over here, and so now I got to do another adjustment just when I thought I had it good.
00:10:55.839 --> 00:11:02.543 So, ladies, learn stress management.
00:11:03.250 --> 00:11:12.759 Once upon a time at my job, they used to give us stress balls and we could squeeze onto them and help with that manage that stress.
00:11:12.759 --> 00:11:14.937 But there's other things you can do.
00:11:14.937 --> 00:11:17.509 You can take a nice hot shower.
00:11:17.509 --> 00:11:23.123 There are places out there that have peppermint balls that you can drop in the shower.
00:11:23.123 --> 00:11:27.817 That's going to help with manage that stress, and they're not very expensive.
00:11:27.817 --> 00:11:30.798 I've done a couple of these things as well.
00:11:30.798 --> 00:11:37.138 You also want to bake in for lack of a better term crying time.
00:11:37.138 --> 00:11:39.361 Why is that important?
00:11:39.361 --> 00:11:51.126 Because there are just days you are going to be overwhelmed, and so here's good news Now that you know this is coming, you can prepare for it.
00:11:51.927 --> 00:11:53.490 You can prepare for it.
00:11:53.490 --> 00:11:56.559 Nobody prepared me for it.
00:11:56.559 --> 00:12:10.701 Yes, I'm a Christian, I go to church and I heard the word and it was good, and I was able to extract those sermons that were given back then and encouragement by others.
00:12:10.701 --> 00:12:16.807 But how do you really manage the stress that comes about as a single mom?
00:12:16.807 --> 00:12:26.221 First of all, you got to know what type of stress is going to be headed your way and you prepare for it.
00:12:26.221 --> 00:12:35.436 You have solutions for how to deal with stress and here's the good news Once you learn how to deal with stress, now you can teach your child.
00:12:35.876 --> 00:12:37.660 Now you can teach your children.
00:12:37.660 --> 00:12:45.292 You're going to encounter these things and, again, you probably want to start having these discussions, in my opinion, when they turn 10.
00:12:45.292 --> 00:13:03.539 Because as they start to interact and really understand life and understand things that are happening in the world, you would definitely want to start having that conversation with them, because there's no reason Young kids should be talking about suicide.
00:13:03.539 --> 00:13:06.139 I'm just going to say it in my out loud voice.
00:13:06.139 --> 00:13:13.210 And it's all stemming from not knowing how to manage stress voice.
00:13:13.210 --> 00:13:14.552 And it's all stemming from not knowing how to manage stress.
00:13:14.552 --> 00:13:21.187 So, ladies, work on you so you can be that example and that teacher to help your child or your children.
00:13:21.187 --> 00:13:23.211 Okay, it's just that easy.
00:13:23.211 --> 00:13:40.846 Remember, I'm not only going to talk about these situations, but I'm going to try to offer you solutions to invite critical thinking, right, conflict resolution again, this kind of links back to stress management.
00:13:40.946 --> 00:13:46.999 But your children are going to be challenged as it relates to certain things.
00:13:46.999 --> 00:13:53.432 Right, you're going to want them to go right and they want to go left, and they don't want to do it this way.
00:13:55.878 --> 00:14:03.059 Well, you have to teach them, and then again, this goes for you, mom, because you can't teach what you don't know.
00:14:03.059 --> 00:14:23.017 At this point, when it comes to conflict resolution, you should know how to, and I would assume with your baby's father that there's probably a lot of conflict, because if he's not actively participating in their lives, then there's going to be some conflict between you and him.
00:14:23.418 --> 00:14:24.780 Now, how do you manage that?
00:14:24.780 --> 00:14:28.073 Number one yelling doesn't solve a thing.
00:14:28.073 --> 00:14:30.500 It solves absolutely nothing.
00:14:30.500 --> 00:14:32.370 But who can scream the loudest?
00:14:32.370 --> 00:14:33.794 That's all it does.
00:14:33.794 --> 00:14:38.712 And then one person screams louder than the other and nobody's listening.
00:14:38.712 --> 00:14:41.698 So, as a result, nothing gets resolved.
00:14:41.698 --> 00:14:49.182 So he leaves, you leave, door slam and you just have a whole bunch of noise when you don't have conflict resolution.
00:14:49.182 --> 00:14:55.793 Bunch of noise when you don't have conflict resolution.
00:14:55.812 --> 00:14:56.654 But practice talking in a calm voice.
00:14:56.654 --> 00:14:57.296 Bring your tone down.
00:14:57.296 --> 00:15:10.743 This is how I've managed conflict resolution, and in my job I have to do it on a daily basis because I deal with folks that have that tendency to raise their voice, to be irate.
00:15:10.743 --> 00:15:12.605 But I have to bring it down.
00:15:12.605 --> 00:15:28.960 I can't match their energy if I'm trying to resolve an issue, so you have to bring it down I guess they call it your inside voice and talk to them in a calm manner.
00:15:28.960 --> 00:15:38.115 And if you cannot talk to them in a calm manner, at that time step back, walk away and come back.
00:15:38.275 --> 00:15:41.761 When you can Paraphrase the situation.
00:15:41.761 --> 00:15:43.585 Why are you all upset?
00:15:43.585 --> 00:15:50.780 Let's take, for example, he was supposed to come to one of the kids or the child's event and he doesn't come.
00:15:50.780 --> 00:15:57.441 He promised he was going to be there for the child at the event and he didn't show up.
00:15:57.441 --> 00:16:01.150 And if you're like me, you you beside yourself.
00:16:01.150 --> 00:16:07.340 You've hurt the child, your excuses or your immaturity of not to show up.
00:16:07.340 --> 00:16:09.764 So as a result of we get upset.
00:16:09.764 --> 00:16:22.663 It's easy to elevate our voices in that situation because you already lit, you're hot, you're mad, let's talk about this tomorrow.
00:16:22.663 --> 00:16:28.740 Okay, this is what this means when you did this and this is why I was upset.
00:16:29.542 --> 00:16:39.422 Now, when you approach it in that manner, now you're y'all communicating with each other and then you're listening versus yelling at each other.
00:16:39.422 --> 00:16:42.692 That never accomplishes anything.
00:16:42.692 --> 00:16:55.986 So, mom, I would encourage you, learn how to develop a routine, a plan on how you're going to engage and talk about a situation.
00:16:55.986 --> 00:16:59.620 Yelling at each other accomplishes nothing.
00:16:59.620 --> 00:17:04.643 It's just who can scream the loudest, but neither one of you are hearing anything.
00:17:04.643 --> 00:17:11.942 So now that you develop your plan on how to manage conflict resolution that's right.
00:17:11.942 --> 00:17:19.207 Now you can effectively teach little Ruthie and little Johnny how to manage conflict resolution.
00:17:19.567 --> 00:17:30.406 And sometimes it is just walking away, sometimes it is just not matching that same energy, sometimes you just got to take a deep breath.
00:17:30.406 --> 00:17:40.630 Okay, because nothing gets accomplished if both of y'all are yelling at each other, just a bunch of noise.
00:17:40.630 --> 00:17:44.689 And heaven forbid if all that noise turns physical.
00:17:44.689 --> 00:18:05.275 We don't need that, and that's why some boys, because of what they see and hear their parents doing and as a result of that, they mimic it and even and on that note, nobody should be laying hands on anybody, and I'm talking about or women as well.
00:18:05.275 --> 00:18:15.261 So, mom, if you can't control your anger when it comes to the baby's father and you feel the need to slap him, stop it.
00:18:15.261 --> 00:18:17.086 Keep your hands to yourself.
00:18:17.086 --> 00:18:19.490 Learn we agree to disagree.
00:18:19.490 --> 00:18:21.034 There's some things that happen.
00:18:21.034 --> 00:18:26.450 Learn to practice or incorporate that phrase in your life.
00:18:26.450 --> 00:18:28.433 Okay, we just gonna disagree.
00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:37.182 You know, a lot of times, once upon a time ago, when I used to lead teams and folks would disagree with me and guess what.
00:18:37.182 --> 00:18:42.173 Early on in my career, I used to challenge it and try to prove my point.
00:18:42.173 --> 00:18:44.424 For what Right?
00:18:44.424 --> 00:18:47.112 They made up their mind, I made up my mind.
00:18:47.112 --> 00:18:52.920 So what I've learned to help continue to move on through the meeting.
00:18:52.920 --> 00:18:54.203 Ok, that's fine.
00:18:54.203 --> 00:18:57.383 We just have to agree to disagree and guess what.
00:18:57.383 --> 00:18:59.086 You move on.
00:18:59.086 --> 00:19:02.114 So learn to adopt that.
00:19:02.114 --> 00:19:11.133 And when it comes to conflict resolution because it's so important you will find out what is not productive.
00:19:11.133 --> 00:19:26.230 And when you just constantly arguing, arguing and think you're going to try to sell somebody on your point, and they've already made up their minds, take that phrase we're just going to agree to disagree and move on and move on.
00:19:26.230 --> 00:19:34.854 And here's the good news Now both of you know which side you stand on, so you don't have to go through this same scenario again.
00:19:34.854 --> 00:19:40.752 Because, again, that helped me get through a lot of meetings and I had to learn the hard way.
00:19:40.752 --> 00:19:44.104 But the good news is I learned.
00:19:44.804 --> 00:19:46.625 And that's where we are, mom.
00:19:46.625 --> 00:19:56.961 We are still in the learning process, and it's continuing, because now we have children that we have to teach.
00:19:56.961 --> 00:20:00.268 So in order to teach them, we have to learn.
00:20:00.268 --> 00:20:03.334 All right, let me move on Technology.
00:20:03.334 --> 00:20:06.806 Artificial intelligence is a big one.
00:20:06.806 --> 00:20:10.441 I don't think there's a whole lot of teaching we need to do.
00:20:10.441 --> 00:20:15.272 They'll probably be teaching us or teaching you, because kids are really smart.
00:20:15.272 --> 00:20:17.669 They grasp things very easily.
00:20:17.669 --> 00:20:24.023 They will probably be teaching you on the latest trends and things that are going on, and accept it.
00:20:24.023 --> 00:20:25.048 Accept it.
00:20:25.048 --> 00:20:32.348 And, matter of fact, I think this is really when the tables do have to turn right, because now you'll know what they're into.
00:20:32.348 --> 00:20:36.471 You know the latest technology, technology that's out there.
00:20:36.471 --> 00:20:43.910 You know some of the word choices that are now being used, kind of know what they're talking about when they say certain things.
00:20:43.910 --> 00:20:54.090 This would be a reverse situation, in my opinion, but definitely make sure they're exposed to it, and once they're exposed to it, you start learning from them.
00:20:54.090 --> 00:20:57.430 Okay, because that's just where we are this day and age.
00:20:57.799 --> 00:21:02.112 And then, finally, we are in the election season.
00:21:02.112 --> 00:21:06.191 Now this is one I'm adding about voting.
00:21:06.191 --> 00:21:09.088 Have you taught your children what it means to vote?
00:21:09.088 --> 00:21:14.553 Because if you think about what voting is, it's really just your voice.
00:21:14.553 --> 00:21:20.972 So whenever you're being asked to vote, they're asking you to share your opinion, your voice.
00:21:20.972 --> 00:21:31.393 Once we change the word, choices around things make more sense, because if you just say vote, that doesn't mean a whole lot in my opinion.
00:21:31.393 --> 00:21:33.712 Vote, vote for what Vote?
00:21:34.579 --> 00:21:43.588 But really what we're talking about is this is your opportunity to share your voice about a candidate, about a person.
00:21:43.588 --> 00:21:51.835 As a result of sharing your voice about this particular person, it's going to drive change right.
00:21:51.835 --> 00:21:57.398 It's going to support your values and that's how you will share that with your child.
00:21:57.398 --> 00:22:09.070 You know, if you have certain values that you rely on and you want someone else that match those values, then you exercise your voice and which turns into a boat.
00:22:09.070 --> 00:22:14.567 How you like that, all right, ladies, that's it for the day.
00:22:15.229 --> 00:22:18.363 I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
00:22:18.363 --> 00:22:20.487 If you did, you know what to do.
00:22:20.487 --> 00:22:22.570 Tell another single mom.
00:22:22.570 --> 00:22:32.511 And for all of you that are following me on YouTube channel you're using to listen to this podcast, thank you so much.
00:22:32.511 --> 00:22:35.395 Again, I would love to hear from you.
00:22:35.395 --> 00:22:41.155 If you have found value in this podcast, then please let me know.
00:22:41.155 --> 00:22:43.221 You can go to my YouTube channel.
00:22:43.221 --> 00:22:49.469 You can go to my website, which is singlemomsunitedpodcastcom.
00:22:49.469 --> 00:22:51.411 I know it's a long one.
00:22:51.411 --> 00:22:53.794 I promise you you can do it.
00:22:53.794 --> 00:23:01.111 Okay, all right, ladies, have a great day, have a great week and have a fantastic month.
00:23:01.111 --> 00:23:04.146 I hope to talk with you again real soon.
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