Mentoring in the Digital Age: The Social Media Talk Every Parent Needs

Social Media And Single Mom Life SPEAKER_00 0:01 Let's be honest. Social media is woven into our everyday lives. It's where we connect, where we learn, where we laugh, and sometimes where we compare, question, and feel overwhelmed. As single moms, we carry a lot.

And the way we use social media can either support our journey or drain us. Hey, welcome back to another episode of Mom to Mentor, reminding us we are more than nurturers and providers. We are mentors. It's time to parent with purpose, moms.

Today I'm diving into the topic that touches every one of us. Social media. Yes. Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, just to make the top ones.

And today I'm talking about the benefits, the negativity, and how to set healthy rules, not just for ourselves, but for our kids too. Because whether we like it or not, our kids are watching how we show up online. You need to not only establish boundaries, but what will you use social media for? Will it be for entertainment, encouragement, educational information, advice, or support?

And why do you need to define it? Because it's gonna help you stay focused and not get involved in some irrelevant topics. Let's get into it. Why social media?

Social media isn't just an app, it's a culture. And for parents, it can be a lifeline. It can also be a trap. We use it for connection, for inspiration, for business, for parenting tips, and sometimes just to escape for a moment.

But the way we use it shapes our mental health, our confidence, and even our parenting decisions. And here's the part we don't talk about enough. Your kids are learning digital habits from you long before they ever touch a phone. Raising my kids this digital era was the launch of the internet and flip phones.

That was my biggest problem. God bless you all that have to deal with the social media craze and introducing that to your children. But here's the good news: you're gonna get through this because I'm gonna give you some information that I hope you take very seriously. And that if you have to listen to this episode multiple times, that you do it to help you set up boundaries as it relates to social media, not just for you, but your children too.

The Real Benefits Of Social Media SPEAKER_00 3:40 Let's talk about the benefits of social media and for you specifically, single moms. The good is social media really can be a blessing. I've joined a few groups of my own and just specific to what I like to do or what I'm interested in, and there's a lot of good feedback. One thing that I've learned late in life is that if I'm asking someone for their opinion about something, I definitely want that individual to have experienced it.

And that's what some of these groups do. I like to decorate. And so I'm talking to other decorators where some people are like, you know what, I'm good with what my decor looks like, be it. But then there are people like me that are out there wanting to switch things up every now and then because the look gets boring.

And so I'm engaging with these folks. What color do you think goes with this and sizes and all of that? And it's wonderful. There are some good things that come out of social media that you're not going to get from maybe anyone else because of your mindset, you look at things differently.

Again, community and support. There is nothing like finding other moms who understand your journey. Social media gives us access to communities we may not have in our everyday lives. And that's so true, ladies.

If you're not a part of a single mom's group, I encourage you to do so. I encourage you to do so if it's nothing but just to talk through things and get that support. Education and resources from parenting hacks to mental health content, budgeting tips, school prep, social media can be a powerful learning tool. Business and branding opportunities.

Many single moms are building businesses online, whether it's selling products, promoting a podcast, or sharing your gifts. Social media can open doors for you. And connection to family. It helps us share milestones, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and stay connected with relatives and celebrate our kids.

And then there's the convenience, events, groups, information, all at your fingertips. Comparison Culture And The Dark Side SPEAKER_00 6:22 Yes, social media has real benefits, but we also have to talk about the other side, the negativity and challenges. Because let's be real, social media can also be heavy. You have the comparison culture.

Scrolling can make you feel like you're not doing enough, not looking enough, not achieving enough. But remember, social media is a highlight reel, not real life, mental overload. Everybody has an opinion, and that's fine, but we can't absorb that, ladies. And then there's just way too much information, too much noise.

It's just overwhelming at times. And that's another reason. You're just like, oh my gosh, I just need to log off. It's too much, especially for me.

I used to keywords used to be involved with several news media outlets. I I dropped them because it was just too much. It was overwhelming. And I didn't want to hear all of that.

All that negativity. I just said, you know what? I'm just gonna unsubscribe because I don't want to hear it all. And sometimes, ladies, that that's what you're just gonna have to do.

You join these groups thinking you're gonna get this education, it's gonna motivate you, or it's gonna give you what you need. But sometimes they are just overwhelming. Consider saying, you know what, I'm just gonna unsubscribe to this particular group. And then time drain.

We pick up the phone for just a second, and I'm guilty, and suddenly 30 minutes are gone. Wait a minute, I was just checking. Then I'll see this story or I'll see a video, and time goes just like that. And you also have to consider privacy concerns.

Oversharing about our kids can expose them to risk. We don't always see. Think about that. Emotional triggers, post about relationships, finances, or family structures can hit hard.

And then there are toxic communities. Not every mom group is healthy, so you definitely have to do your research. Some are judgmental, negative, or draining. How do we navigate all of this with intention?

I'm glad you asked. Boundaries That Protect Your Peace SPEAKER_00 9:14 Establishing healthy social media rules for moms. And here's where we take our power back. We have to start setting time limits, decide when you scroll and when you don't, curate your feed, follow what uplifts you, unfollow what drains you.

I again I am on several or follow several sites of motivational moments or inspiring moments. Those things keep me focused. Yeah, I told you I'm a Christian. And just to get that reinforcement of God's love through scripture, through social media, through these various sites, it takes away that negativity that's out there and gets me motivated.

And I'm also part of motivational groups. Not moms just don't join mom groups, but look for motivational groups that's gonna encourage you and help you get through your day. Post with purpose. You don't owe the internet your life story.

I tell you what, one of the most frustrating things that I see is when people post everything. And it's like, what are you doing? What and why? Be careful with what you post.

You don't have to put everything out there because remember, this is for the world to see. And most likely your enemies. Everybody has enemies. And if you think you don't, I'm sorry, you're a tad bit on the delusional side.

Not everybody likes you. Be careful what you post out there because some people can take that and say, Got her now. Be careful of that. And then, of course, protect your child's privacy.

Think before you post. Their story is theirs. And then also, who knows your child from school? And they may be out there scrolling and be like, oh, look at little Johnny's mama.

You have to take that into consideration because when little Johnny goes back to school and folks gossip. I saw Johnny's mama with that big old martini, that drink in her hand, and then on the next slide, she had another one and shell and all this makeup. That's what people do. You're exposing yourself.

And not only are you exposing yourself, you're exposing your child based on what you do. Yeah, because people know that. Oh, that's little Johnny's mama. Be careful what you put on social media.

Model healthy habits. Your kids are watching how you use your phone. Period. I told you, we are visual.

We're paying attention. They're watching. We can talk until we're blue in the face. It means absolutely nothing because they're going by what they see.

Yeah. And here, take breaks. It's okay to log off. It's okay to disappear for a minute.

Quite a few episodes back. I challenged you moms to put your cell phone down for an hour. Or put it in another room for an hour. Or you could just be charging it in another room for an hour.

And take that time and talk to your child or your children. Yeah. Find out what's going on with them, especially if they're school-aged children. You are going to want to be involved in that conversation.

You are going to want to initiate that conversation. Because if you don't, they're going to hold things in. And then when they really need to let something out or get information, they're going to go to someone else. Yeah.

And you don't want that. Preparing Kids For Social Media SPEAKER_00 13:34 How do you prepare your kids for social media? Because they're growing up in this digital world. You have to start the conversation.

Explain what social media is. Talk about what's real and what's edited. And ask your kids questions to begin the conversation. For example, tell me what you like about social media.

Yeah. And I would definitely sit down with your kids and go through it together before you fully introduce them to it. What do you see your friends doing online that you like or don't like? What's confusing or weird about it?

And they're going to tell you, explain what social media really is. Kids think social media is fun or just videos. Moms should break it down just like this. It's a place where people share parts of their lives.

Some things are real, some things are edited, and even more edited now that AI is on hand. Definitely make sure you explain that to them that what they're seeing may not be actuality. People post for attention, likes, and validation, and not everything online is safe or true. Now this helps kids understand the purpose behind what they see.

It's important for you to share your own experience, mom, or parents. Kids listen more when moms or dads speak from their own life. Make it personal. Some examples you can share is sometimes social media makes me feel good and sometimes it makes me feel sad.

Yeah. And the sad part is all of the news outlets and the falsehoods and all of that stuff. It's very sad. I mentioned in a prior episode, one of the things that discouraged me was I saw a post where they were comparing or trying to compare Prince and Michael Jackson saying, which one do you like better?

And I'm like, why would you do that? They're both unique artists in their own way. And why would you try to get someone to bid against the two? Because think about what that's doing to your mindset.

Okay, I like Princess Purple Rain, but I like Michael Jackson's Beat It. Let me see. No, let's stop planting those negative seeds. They're both unique artists.

They're both gone. May they rest in peace. They brought something to our culture, our society that benefited everybody. Everybody has a preference, and that's fine.

But don't try to compare the two, which no, stop that. I just thought that was so inappropriate. And see how my tone changed? Because I got irritated by this.

And that's exactly what social media does. Yeah. I'm going out just for fun, and all of a sudden I got upset over something silly. But anyway, I had to learn what to ignore and what to pay attention to or block altogether.

And yep, you got it. I blocked that particular post where it comes up, are you interested in seeing more of these? And of course I said, not interested. You can do that as well.

And you can also tell your child, I'm still learning how to use it in a healthy way. Because nobody gave us a manual when they rolled it out. At least they didn't give me one. It's like, hey, here's Facebook.

And now all of a sudden, okay, I'm just going through when it should have been given a descriptor, or just like when you sign up for a credit card, you get the terms and conditions of the use of the credit card. Should come with social media as well. And it may now, but when it was first rolled out, I don't recall seeing anything. This shows kids that everyone is figuring it out, even adults.

Feelings, Safety, And Self Worth SPEAKER_00 18:25 The other thing you want to talk about are feelings, not just rules. Kids need emotional awareness more than restrictions. You want to ask them, how do you feel when you see certain posts? Do you ever feel like feel do you ever feel left out or pressured?

And what do you do when something online makes you uncomfortable? This teaches them to recognize emotional triggers early. Because remember, and again, I learned this later in life, but not everything deserves or requires a response from you. I don't care how many times they poke you, they say this, and they know you don't like it, you still own how you respond, if you respond.

Learn how to ignore and move on, especially if it's not about you. And if it is about you, still move on. I when I was growing up, there was a phrase, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Okay, I think we need to go back to that.

Seriously. Let them talk and move on. So you want to introduce safety in a calm, non-scary way. Instead of fear tactics, use empowerment.

Explain why privacy matters. Never ever share personal information, such as your address, your age, your email address, your parents' names, etc. Why they shouldn't talk to strangers. When I was growing up, that's what I was told don't talk to strangers, don't accept anything from strangers.

Now you got a million strangers out there. You have to advise them, don't, if somebody inboxes them or whatever the case may be, they're trying to reach out to them, learn how to say no and let them and tell them to come and tell you about it so you can investigate, just in case you need to report it. Why you should accept friend requests from only people, again, I would still manage that because they know people at school that you may not know. And I would just hold off until them accepting friend requests from anyone or you facilitate that piece of it.

Overly complimenting, asking for photos, these are red flags. You must remain alert at all times. Please make sure your kids are aware of these and why they should come to you if something feels wrong. Again, make it clear you won't be in trouble for telling the truth.

And then set rules together. This teaches them responsibility and accountability, and kids follow rules better when they help create them. Here are some of the rules you want to establish screen time limits, approved apps, no phone zones, like dinner, bedtime during homework, posting guidelines. And I would say don't post it all.

Okay. I really would. What's okay to share and what's not. Teach them how to respond to negativity.

You ignore and move on. Everything doesn't require a response. I just talked about that. Keep it moving.

Whatever you on your own. You just got to be mad by yourself, or you just got to talk about me by yourself. I'm moving on. Because what do you hope to gain by responding to something that's negative?

All it's going to do is irritate you and you're going to get mad and all of this fuss and unnecessarily. Learn how to move on. Because you can disagree and not respond to them. Learn how to block people.

Learn how to report. And generally, if you right-click, I believe, it will give you that option if you want to report that particular post as something negative or inappropriate. Reinforce that their worth is not online. And I think that's going to be your big, biggest challenge, mom and dad.

This is the heart of the conversation. You need to tell your child, likes don't define you. Followers don't define you. Comments don't define you.

Your value comes from who you are offline. Kids need this reminder constantly. Unfortunately, you have to do that, moms, and then keep the conversation going. This is not a one-time talk.

It's ongoing because social media is going to be around for a while, and you need to make sure your child or your children are fully grounded on what it is and how they use it. Moms, you should check in regularly. How's social media feeling for you this week? Yeah.

Anything new you've seen that we should talk about? Do you need help with anything online? Because consistency builds safety. The Four-Part Readiness Checklist SPEAKER_00 24:36 Now I'm going to share with you a checklist.

A child is ready for social media when they consistently show maturity across four key areas: responsibility, emotional stability, safety awareness, and communication habits. Again, mom, I want to get on social media. Lil Susie's on social media, and she, her parents don't give her flack about it. I want to get on there.

But you need to go through and understand where your child falls at in these four critical areas. And the first one is responsibility and self-management. Your child should be able to follow household rules without constant reminders. Yeah, if they can't do that, then they don't need social media.

Complete homework and chores before screen time. Put devices away when asked. Handle limits without arguing or sneaking online. Good luck with that one.

Because the older they get, the more mischievous they get. How about that? And why it matters? Social media requires impulse control.

Without it, kids can overshare, stay up late scrolling, or get pulled into unnecessary drama. And number two, emotional readiness. Your child should show confidence and healthy self-esteem if they are already feeling bad on themselves or already feel like they're getting bullied. Social media is not for them.

If you are already struggling with your emotions, social media is not the place that you want your child to be. Because they have to have the ability to handle peer pressure, resilience when facing teasing and disagreements, willingness to talk to you without when willingness to talk to you when something feels off online. They should be able to come to you, mom or dad, related to any social media when they feel uncomfortable. Why does this matter?

Kids who struggle emotionally offline often struggle more online, especially with comparison, cyberbullying, and or feeling left out. I remember when I was in school and how I felt. And going on social media magnifies that by 10. Because when I was in school and I see folks getting new clothes or new shoes, and I'm like, wow, I got my sister's hand-me-downs, or I got the neighbors' hand-me-downs that I'm wearing.

Can you imagine how your child feels if now this is magnified significantly online? Think about that. Privacy and safety awareness. Your child should understand what personal information must stay private.

Strangers online can pretend to be kids. They need to know how to block people, how to report inappropriate information, and avoid unsafe content. That posts create permanent digital footprints, why it matters. Kids who don't understand privacy are more vulnerable to scams, predators, and risky interactions.

The other thing I want to quickly talk about is I don't know, I'm sure you all watch some form of news. And if you've ever seen a situation, a crime that's committed, I don't know if you've ever noticed them saying or the detective saying that the first place they went is to pull up that individual social media. Yeah. Yeah, they want to know what that history is.

And just because the information you posted is deleted, it's still saved on the server. Be careful what you post. There are also privacy features. You can select who you want to see your post.

And I recommend that, moms. I recommend that. And dads. And number four, communication and judgment.

Your child should be able to pause before posting or responding. Again, I would not let if I was bringing my kids through this process, no posting allowed. I'm serious. I would have implemented that as a rule.

No posting allowed. You can scroll, but no posting. Avoid sharing hurtful comments. Don't be liking, oh, Susie wore an old dress from the 1970s today, and your kid goes in and likes likes that post.

That's inappropriate. Don't do that. Don't co-sign bad behavior. That's what I call that.

Recognize inappropriate or harmful content. Ask for help when unsure how to respond. Again, just don't respond. Move on.

Move on. Don't silence is golden. And why it matters? Social media requires good judgment.

Kids need to think before they post. But again, if we ain't posting, we ain't got to worry about that. That's where I would start moms. No posting at all.

You can scroll, no posting. Age Guidelines And Supervision Levels SPEAKER_00 31:33 When should we start all of this fun stuff? What are the ages? I'm so glad you asked me.

Most platforms legally require 13 and up. But readiness depends on maturity, not just age. Here's your general guidance. Ages 11 through 13 start with supervised, limited exposure.

You could try YouTube Kids, Pen Interest, and shared accounts. Ages 13 through 15, introduce social platforms slowly with private accounts, parental controls, and ongoing conversations. Age 15 and upgradually increase independence if they consistently demonstrate readiness. Now, to every parent listening, hear me clearly.

Your children are enough offline. You are enough without the likes, the comments, the shares, or the validation. Social media is a tool, not a measuring stick. I'm gonna say that one again.

Social media is a tool, not a measuring stick. Don't compare yourselves to others. You get to decide how it fits into your life. And when you set healthy boundaries, you create a healthier environment for you and your kids.

Because you're doing better than you think you are. Social Media Mindset And Call To Action SPEAKER_00 33:45 Here's your call to action, moms, or maybe some dads. Episode spoke to you. Share it with another single mom.

Share it with another parent who needs this reminder around social media, the do's, the don'ts, the benefits, the challenges of why you need to be focused on how you use this successfully. Connect with me and let me know what rules you're setting for yourself and your kids. Connect with me on my website, Singamom's United Podcast.com or momtomentor.com. And that's momthenum, mentor.com, and leave me some feedback.

I would love to hear from you. And if you have a story or a question you want featured in a future episode, send it in. Again, I'd love to hear from you. I know today's episode was a little lengthy, but I think it was worth it.

Thank you all for tuning in to the Mom to Mentor podcast. And remember, you can find this podcast wherever you get your podcast. And remember, social media can be a blessing or a burden, but with intention, we can make it work for us, not against us. Have a good day and a good week.

Take care.