Friday, January 24, 2025

Building Intimacy and Community: Empowering Single Moms on the Parenting Journey

Show Notes

Understanding the importance of intimacy in parenting can transform your relationship with your children. By incorporating simple, intentional practices into your daily routine, you can foster closer bonds and promote open communication.

• Importance of physical and emotional intimacy in parenting
• Utilizing morning snuggles to start the day positively
• Engaging in bedtime conversations to promote dialogue
• The benefits of reading together for emotional connection
• Creative one-on-one time activities to strengthen bonds
• Encouraging quiet moments to build rapport and reduce tension
• Incorporating fun and games to enhance interactions
• The significance of attentive listening and eye contact
• Celebrating achievements, both big and small, to motivate
• Cooking together as a way to bond and teach life skills

https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/

It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.

Show Transcript

Hey, ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast, where we definitely cannot spell United without the letter U or Y-O-U.

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Hey, if this is your first time joining, welcome.

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If you're a repeat listener, you already know I'm thanking you from the bottom of my heart.

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I'm just coming back and wanting to hear what I have to say about single mom parenting.

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Yes, as a single mom, it is not easy.

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It is not easy, but here's the good news you can do it.

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You know how.

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I know I did it, I'm doing it.

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I'm a single mom, but I'm an older single mom, so I've learned a few things along the way which I'm happy to share with you and then also invite you as it relates to critical thinking with your parenting skills.

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This is something I really didn't get when I was raising my children on my own, but I'm hoping to pay it forward and say hey, ladies, this is something you should think about.

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Now.

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I realize that this is not a one-size-fits-all, but hopefully it's a one-size-fits-most and, if nothing else, it just gets you to thinking about how you're raising your kids and wanting them to be successful in this world once you release them, because you're going to have two moms and so you want them to be productive citizens, pay their taxes and everything else that goes along with being on your own or evolving into an adult and being responsible, right?

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So what am I talking about today?

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Well, I'm still on the letter.

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I I'm just extracting words from this letter that I think can help you with your parenting, words from this letter that I think can help you with your parenting, or at least to get you thinking about parenting.

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That is going to be critical in some areas as you raise your children.

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You know, along my journey, my parenting journey, you know I was in survival mode majority of the time as I raised my kids.

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So, as I mentioned in the past, there is no perfect parent.

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There are just good and bad parents, and I'll just break it down even further.

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There's good and bad moms, right?

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A good mom is going to try to teach her children, going to prepare them for what comes next in life, where a bad mom doesn't.

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It's just that simple.

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But anyway, let me get back on topic.

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Y'all know how I like to get off the highway every now and then, but we're talking about intimacy today and no, ma'am, we are not talking about sex.

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When I think about intimacy and my definition for it.

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It's about really the physical touch as our children as babies and toddlers, you know, we're holding them and we're guiding them and we're kissing on them and we're just loving on them right.

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And then, as they get older and they develop personalities and so forth, a wedge occurs between you and your child.

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In my opinion, the dynamics of that intimacy changes.

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The hugs and the kisses you once gave them as toddlers, now they're like don't touch me, or you got so much going on, and it's like okay, listen, I love you from afar.

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Intimacy is important as it relates to bringing up our children right, because if you're not giving them that intimacy, they're going to get it from somewhere else and they may not get it from the right person, which can lead to other issues.

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I came across a document on social media that I thought I would share with you, and it really is about intimacy.

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So if you are not doing these things, here's something you can consider right If you're trying to shore up and have more of that physical touch, that physical time with your child or your children.

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Just something to think about.

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The first thing they talk about is morning snuggles, especially if you have school-age children, to get them ready for the day, and you're already up and hopefully you're preparing breakfast or whatever you need to do to get the day started.

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As you go in and wake him or her up, maybe do it a little softer and not just say, hey, get up, it's time for school.

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Better is good morning, little Mary Jo, get up, it's time for school, petters.

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Good morning, little Mary Jo.

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Little Franklin, it's time for school.

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You want to get up and get ready, because now, as you're delivering that a little softer, that's going to help them start their day off a little better, because it's already going to be uncomfortable that they got to get up and if it's this time of the year where it's extremely cold right now, I don't want to go to school, right.

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And so it's always helpful, with your approach, as you're getting them up for the day to be a little more softer.

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So consider that, mom.

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And on the flip side, bedtime you know when it's time to go to bed.

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At some point, I think you should ask your child how their day was, you know.

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Was it a good day?

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Was it a bad day?

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Either way, why was it a good day?

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Why was it a bad day?

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Because what that is is you're developing that relationship, you're opening that door of communication with your child and so that they can come to you at any time and say you know what, mom, I had a bad day today and as we hear more and more things that are happening in school, it almost seems like they're always going to have some form of negative thing that has occurred throughout the day, unfortunately.

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So it's important, mom, that you have that ear and you offer them the opportunity to share with you how their day was.

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And guess what they may a smart child may also flip that and say mom, how was your day?

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Okay, and now you all are creating a dialogue and encouraging conversation, and that's a good thing.

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It really is because, remember, they're not getting younger, they're getting older, they're going to experience more and they're going to engage with other people that you want to get that feedback later, like, oh, your child is so smart or your child is just so great in how they approach and interact with me, they're so mature.

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And that's what you're striving for maturity, because they're no longer babies anymore, they're growing up and you're going to have to release them, and this is part of the task to help them get to where they need to be.

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Think about that, mom.

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The other thing you could consider is reading together.

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This is something you can try if you enjoy that.

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It's a bonding scenario that you can use.

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You know, you read one line, they read one line.

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Or you read one page, they read one page.

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That's just something to consider as you are bonding that intimacy.

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It is physical touch, but it's also just that mental linking between you and your child.

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Now, this all says one-on-one dates.

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I would assume that's maybe let's go out and get a hamburger or maybe some chicken nuggets I'm not sure what that means, but something to consider.

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Storytelling nights, nature walks, if you have a park or and I would say a park unless you just live in a rural area Get out and walk around with your kids in the trees and let them enjoy that time together.

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I mean, that's just wonderful and just being outside.

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I know my kids love being outside and where I grew up we had a lot of land and so it was easy for us to be outside and not really have to deal with the public.

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The gist of this is just having that one-on-one time with them in a different environment, just outside of the house, because a lot of times we get so consumed with life it's like we get in the house and that's it.

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And now, in the age of these cell devices and mobile devices, the kids stay in the house more than they are outside playing.

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Try to incorporate some time.

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I know it's not easy, but you can try, mom, nothing beats a failure but a try.

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You also want to consider quiet moments together.

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Let's not just say nothing, let's just be in an area where we just enjoy life quietly.

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Because number one, that's going to reduce stress, tension.

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This would be the better time to incorporate quiet times.

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When there is tension going on, right, nobody has to say anything, just absorb in the quietness.

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Let's take time.

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Nobody has to respond to anything, we just going to dial it back and just enjoy life quietly and playing together.

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Listen, there are plenty of games out there, moms, that you can play with your children and just have fun.

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Now, when I was growing up once upon a time ago, that's all we did was play outside and play games like tag or just anything.

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I can go see, you know, and especially if you have a younger child, they'll appreciate that.

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And so you can incorporate these things again, building that bond, developing that intimacy with your child or your children.

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It's not just the daily routine of go to work, go to school, come home, eat dinner, clean the house, do this, do that, do that, but really just setting aside that time to spend with them.

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They're going to appreciate it later, I promise you.

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I wasn't very good in these areas, but then there were times that we did do things together.

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I took my kids to the amusement park and was wore out by when it was all said and done.

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But there are things you can do A matter of fact, I used to take them to the parade and things you do what's best for you, mom.

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It works.

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It's developing that overall relationship with them Eye contact.

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When they're saying something, you know, mom, give them full attention.

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Right, and I've said this on some earlier episodes.

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How about that?

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Put the phone down for one hour, put it on mute, put it in another room and just spend time with your child or your children.

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Why is that important?

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You don't want them to go out and share their frustrations and their concerns with someone else, all because they said well, mom doesn't listen, mom doesn't understand.

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So I'm going to take it over to this person, who may not be a positive influence for your child, but yet they're telling them all the business.

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You don't want that.

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So you want to make time for your child, you want to encourage your child, you want to let them know it's going to be okay.

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Anything that you're going through, it's going to be okay.

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Every beginning has an ending.

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What you're going through, it's going to be over soon enough.

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And I think we get so caught up in this is happening to me.

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How am I going to get through this?

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Da-da-da, we're worrying about all these things and forgetting there's an ending to the issues that we're facing getting.

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There's an ending to the issues that we're facing as your children or your child go through school.

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They're going to continue to see and encounter those challenges of how am I going to get through this?

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And, unfortunately, that's just a part of life and that's what you need to explain to your children.

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Everything that they experience, good and bad, is a part of life and you're going to get through it.

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So, mom, please put that phone down.

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Pay attention to your children.

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Have that openness and that willingness for them to come to you about anything and everything.

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You should be that primary source, or that primary resource when it comes to any issues they may be encountering.

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And then you want to celebrate big and small achievements.

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I had my kids in every sport imaginable.

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Sometimes they won games, sometimes they didn't.

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Sometimes they got to play a long time in the game and sometimes they got to sit on the sideline, but either way, you got to play.

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It may not have been for a long time, but you were out there, you were on the field, you were on the court and you have to embrace that.

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So we're going to celebrate however long you were in the game, we're going to celebrate that.

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So you should too, mom, encourage them, because they're going to come back and feeling defeated and like, oh they, I'm not as good as the other kids and dah-da-da-da-da, and that's not the case.

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But it's up to you to encourage them, to keep them motivated.

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And then you want to consider cooking together.

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Try to get out of these fast food restaurants when you look at recipes and you put a little this and you put a little that and the food tastes so much better because it's not sitting on the shelf, it's not sitting under a hot light.

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You actually facilitated that meal of putting it together yourself and not relying on someone else.

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So, moms, I encourage you preferably if you can cook every day, that would be ideal, but at least once during the week, once or twice during the week do a home cooked meal.

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If it's nothing but pasta, getting some spaghetti, noodles and either some turkey or some beef, and making some spaghetti and have your children help you with that.

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Now you pour in the sauce, or you cut this up, or you do that or you do this, so that they can feel useful, getting them in position.

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Because again, moms, you know, while we try to be superwoman or wonder woman, but we get sick too If you don't have that support structure to help you, when you are down, your child can come in and say, yeah, mom, let me cook dinner, let me cook the spaghetti, right, especially if they're old enough to do so.

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Because now you have taught them, you have trained them what it means to cook and how to cook, and that's one technique or skill they're going to need once they leave the house.

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They're going to need to know how to do basic things and they shouldn't have to rely on someone else to get them there.

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That's our responsibilities, mom.

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Now you can disagree with me if you want to, and that's fine.

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That's what makes the world go around, but that's our responsibility, moms.

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All right, ladies, I'm done.

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I hope you enjoyed this episode.

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I hope you found some value.

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I hope that you'll tell another single mom that's saying you know what I really want to hear a good podcast that promotes critical thinking.

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And you say you know what.

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I know where you can go Single Moms United Podcast, hey, and also visit me on my website, my YouTube page.

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I would love to hear from you, ladies.

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Let me know what you think.

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If you have topics you'd like for me to research and give my thoughts on, I'll be happy to do that for you, because we are all in this together, because this podcast is about motivation and encouragement, so that you don't feel down and out, because I know you're going to have those days.

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You don't feel like you're going to make it.

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How do I know?

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Been there many times, my mental capacity was just at capacity.

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It's like, oh my gosh, I can't do this anymore.

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How do I get through this?

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What do I do?

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I'm a Christian and my faith in God got me through those dark days.

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If you are a Christian, which I hope you are, that's the first step to helping you get through this, and then the second step is us coming together as single moms and supporting one another.

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All right, ladies, I really am done this time.

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I hope you enjoyed today's podcast If you did tell another single mom and I hope these tips that I shared with you, you find value and say you know what, I'm going to try one or two of them.

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You don't have to try all of them, but I'm going to try one or two of them, or I'm going to try this one today, I'm going to try that one tomorrow, but at least try figure out what works for you, because that's the intimacy you need as a parent, that relationship with your child.

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Take care, moms.